Shaving, wearing skirts, using makeup — do we, as women, do it because we like it or because men like to see us doing all these things? From the moment we come into this world, we are given pink gifts, dressed in pink clothes and put into rooms with pink walls; we are given a color, and alongside that color, characteristics that define whether or not we are worthy of being called a “girl.” We have been raised to think that being a girl means wearing cute clothes, maintaining good posture and having agreeable manners. Until a few months ago, I was living with that lie in my head; what is even more shocking is that men are thought to have the power of creating the female being — and maybe they did.

Let’s start with the basics: the daily decision of a woman when she is choosing what to wear on a normal day. “Should I shave my armpits or just cover them with long sleeves?” A year ago, I first got acquainted with “Januhairy,” a month-long awareness campaign and movement that encourages women to rethink where their body choices come from, promoting self-love and acceptance. I was scrolling through Instagram when Brut’s IGTV appeared on my feed with something that, at the moment, I found uncomfortable and even a little disgusting: the words and images of a very proud “hairy woman.” Before opening the video, the first thought that came to mind was, “Oh this seems disturbing.” What shocked me the most was how outraged I felt after being exposed to these images. I realized how men have been oppressing us women for centuries; how could it be possible that I felt uncomfortable by something as natural as hair?

But this is not something only true for me. The numerous pressures and unfair expectations our patriarchal society puts on women extend to every corner of the globe. Although the campaign was launched in the UK by an Exeter University drama student, Laura Jackson, it became viral worldwide. Such recognition comes as no surprise since the accuracy of the problem the movement is trying to make visible is true for every woman in the world. Sources trace that the idea of women being hairless goes back to the early 1900s, when shaving was uncommon for Western women, until King C. Gillette and the beauty industry started propagating the idea that being hairless was the norm to sell their products. If this is true, then we can argue that women today are a product of market-created beauty standards. Moreover, the whole beauty industry has been widely owned and ruled by men, who set unrealistic expectations for women, so it is not so unfathomable to think that women have been treated as "dolls" fabricated to suit men's ideals. Alongside these thoughts, I started asking myself a series of uncomfortable questions: “Why do I dress like this?” “Do I shave for myself or because of my internalized male gaze?” “Are my decisions being influenced by men and what they might think of me as a woman?” And to be frankly honest, I still haven’t found answers to these yet.

The answer to most of the previously mentioned questions is probably “yes,” especially because I was raised to constantly police my actions in order to be considered “feminine.” This issue is so internalized and intrinsic to our lives and cultures that it becomes challenging for us to point a finger at the issue without any outside help. Margaret Atwood said it better:

“Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Upon a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”

With that in mind, I can’t help but wonder, “Who put that little male gaze inside our brains?” I truly believe that women are, to some extent, a construction of society: the way we behave, dress, think and see ourselves is influenced by what men would think. And although that same question is not clearly formulated in our heads, this question is implicit in our daily decision making. But women are not the only victims of this, as the male gaze also sets expectations for men: be strong, be a breadwinner, be “masculine” — expectations that end up impacting men’s mental health negatively. With this in mind, it is impertinent that we, both men and women, worry about the unconscious yet highly existent male voyeur that society’s culture inculcated within us all.

After these realizations, we may ask ourselves, “Is there a way for women (and men) to escape internalized misogyny, patriarchal values and male fantasies?” and, “How do women go about voicing inequalities without perpetuating the thing that they're fighting against?” There is nothing but one answer for both questions: disrupting the internalized male gaze. This is the first step towards gaining confidence in our female nature and becoming an example of truth and liberation for others. Men do not understand what we have to go through every single day to feel “pretty” or even “girly,” and the answer to this is certainly not supporting, responding, or giving ourselves to the pressures and expectations that have been put upon us because of our gender. Therefore, our only answer is the promotion of visibility and transparency of this issue in the educational spaces and processes happening in schools, homes and social media.

In the end, there is no such thing as wrong and right when it comes to clothes, colors and decisions, ergo it is the intention behind it that can damage everything. If you identify as a woman and like shaving, that is perfect as long as you do it for YOU and not the patriarchy. And for you men reading this, ask yourself, “Why do I think women should shave?” “Do I know what women have to go through in order to comply with our expectations — physical pain, mental health issues, insecurities and self-hate?” Let’s give visibility to the problem of the “male gaze” by questioning all the factors in our life that come from men’s expectations and preferences. Let us deconstruct the “self” in ourselves that was made by society and reconstruct it again based on our own likes, ideals and security to bring down the “male gaze” that is damaging our society.