The age old question of “Who’s a Good Boy?” just got a little easier. In blatant violation of NYU Abu Doggie’s latest community health guidelines, a group of 18 chihuahuas was observed wagging their way across the Highline last Wednesday. Strutting paw-to-paw, the perilous pack could only be described as a two-meter-wide mass of ferociously yipping transmission risk. Eventually dispersed by the Poodlic Safety Pawficers on duty, this response sent a clear message that, just like peeing on the carpet or chewing up the furniture, violating health pawlicies is completely unacceptable.

The striking display comes just days after Associate Vice Chancellor Peter Corgisten’s sobering e-tail that tightened the leashes of the canines across campus. Limiting the number of visitors in each doghouse, prioritizing shuttles for only those visiting the vet and recommending that all begin double muzzling, the message mandated that all puppers learn a new set of tricks — no matter how old we might be.

Despite these very clear instructions, many still remain disobedient. Refusing to roll over (much less play dead) to these new regulations, disgruntled doggos have begun hounding the labministration to turn tail. These new restrictions, however, follow direction from the Ministerrier of Education. As such, the labministration claims that objectors are barking up the wrong tree.

While the NYU Abu Doggie labministration may not be wholly responsible for the new restrictions, they will nonetheless be enforcing them with an iron paw. Indeed, the 18 furry fugitives expect to face severe consequences. No formal sanctions have been announced, but Dean Michal Barktinez made it very clear that they will not be getting treats tonight.

Tails between their legs, the chihuahuas may try to appeal the decision. No matter how adorably they whimper or loud they howl, the disciplinary decisions will likely stand. Even in the worst case scenario, all pups involved will still be able to complete their arfademic requirements. Despite what their tone might lead you to believe, they’ll only be sent home, not to a farm upstate.

Eviction from on-campus kennels, however, should be a sufficient disincentive. To avoid such consequences, Barktinez points to a pair of two Great Danes who were also enjoying the High Line last Wednesday. Muzzles fully masked and keeping appropriate distance from other pups on their walk, the Great Danes’ adherence to health pawlicy was best in show.

As we ride out the recent spike in cases, we must remain vigilant and intentional in our choices. Lest the Ministerrier of Education or our own labministration fetch us more restrictions, we must do our best to follow the ones we have.

“Woof, woof woof woof,” declared NYU Abu Doggie Vice Chancellor Mariet Doberman, “Roof roof, grrrr arf arf arf ahooooooooooo!” Inspiring words indeed.