The Social Science division has gotten a little bit stale recently. Even amidst the rapid expansion of the student body and the introduction of the Business and Society major, students still graduate less sure about what they want to do with their life than when they started their education. Too handwavy for the academics yet too theoretical for those who enjoy the simple pleasures of a decent salary, the Economics major falls into a particularly tough spot. Students across divisions were all going through the motions, responding to academics that fit all yet fit none.

“I may have the Core Curriculum but I still don’t know anything about the Core of getting a job,” complained soon to be unemployed Mund Funcher, Class of 2023. “I’ve only learned how to write everything to a professor’s narrative, how to censor myself, and how to not go insane knowing my entire identity will disintegrate as I walk across the stage,” he added. Not knowing how he will live without constantly embezzling university funds, he resents NYU Abu Dhabi for giving him a lifestyle well out of his previous or future tax bracket.

Seeing this ongoing downslope of disengagement, and increasing number of students simply turning to AI to craft their essays, the Office of Student Success and Well-Being has finally decided to collaborate with the Office of the Registrar to critically evaluate students’ needs. After an informal survey of student social media groups, followed by a poll that nobody actually filled out, they determined that NYUAD is still missing a truly hands-on field of study in the social sciences.

It was right then and there in the faculty conference room that they introduced the “Other People’s Business” major. Specifically designed for students who, since their virtual Candidate Weekend, wanted to spend their four years in a real-life Love Island, it teaches a set of social skills that not only apply to the Saadiyat bubble but also the corporate world. “Cancel Incorporated” teaches students when to publicly humiliate another person for saying something slightly misguided in the hopes that their peers will see how virtuous they are. In a focus group trial of the class, however, major issues came up when a student tried to apply the course’s teachings directly to the professor’s patronizing statements about the Global South.

A key principle of the new program, as well, is that students are constantly exposed to other people and the diverse perspectives that they bring. What other way to do that than by ensuring that OPB majors live in doubles all four years, even after senior housing selection? Conveniently addressing the worsening shortage of housing on campus and the threat of having to put first years in the storage units, some rooms in A2 may even soon be converted into triples to ensure students get the close connections that will help them integrate into any community.

As the major gains traction, prospective applicants and even current students can look forward to a rapid increase in innovative courses. Internal projections anticipate it becoming the most popular major on campus — a natural “catch-all” rivaling SRPP — by 2026. The community can look forward to “Meme Diplomacy”, where students are taught conflict resolution and relationship building skills that build from viral content that attacks the core of administrators’ competencies. “Small Talk: The Art of War” promises to train students in gathering juicy gossip and new transformative policy rumors from forced awkward encounters in the residential building elevators.

“Other People’s Business” will appeal to so many people precisely because it says the quiet part of NYUAD out loud. Leaning into the natural essence of campus to the point that it might tip over, it makes no illusions of a friendly and resilient community. The focus on networking within the major will enable graduates to navigate the job market far better than relying on actual knowledge and CDC, anyway.