I was conscripted into the Singapore Armed Forces on Jan. 31, 2012. By law, I was required to serve 22 months of national service.

Conscription of all male citizens has been in place in Singapore for more than 45 years now. Given Singapore's limited population and potential aggression from neighbors like Malaysia and Indonesia — who are many times bigger — conscription is seen as the most efficient way of beefing up the military and protecting the nation's sovereignty.

Do I see the need for conscription? Intellectually, yes. As a child, I heard numerous anecdotes from my father, an ex-naval officer, highlighting the military's decisive role in securing peace. This was coupled with my own reading of Singapore's sobering history, marred by bloodshed as colonial masters who, when danger was imminent, betrayed the trust of locals and fled. To me, this history emphasized the fact that, as a citizen, defending my country was a solemn duty I had to take on.

However, my personal experiences as a soldier didn’t always tally with the bigger picture. Trudging under the sweltering heat, with sweat dripping down my camouflaged-painted face—burdened by unbearable weight and the unhelpful contemplations of life in a parallel universe unsaddled by conscription—I have wondered whether it was all worth it. The sacrifices were obvious. The results were not.

My sentiments towards conscription have always vacillated. But when my visceral sentiments drift to the background, the purpose behind what I do becomes clearer and more persuasive.

One such moment of clarity and conviction was after I finished my first field camp as a recruit early last year. When I returned home that weekend, I sat down, reflected and penned the following.

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25 March 2012

“Why do we need to do this?” My section-mate moaned in angst and frustration.

Finally, the whistle was blown, and we rushed towards the shade. Our sergeants were waiting there. Just as we got into our neat files and were looking forward to lunch, Sgt. Y started his lecture on how much our families loved us and how we were not reciprocating.

We were initially shocked. Sgt. Y was inclined to discuss discipline and teamwork, but we never expected him to lecture on families and love. Our hunger pangs were getting harder to silence.

But these mundane concerns soon dissolved, replaced with ennobling, sublime reflections on duty and love, family and nation.

Sgt. Y spoke from his heart on the importance of showing love to our family and on how the duty of caring for our loved ones fitted into the larger picture of serving the nation. His sense of responsibility and commitment was palpable and infectious.

As he wrapped up, other sergeants handed out letters from our parents. Even the most garrulous turned pensive. Everyone looked down at the letters and kept silent.

As I read mine, I realised the appalling gap between the innumerable sacrifices my parents had made for me and what I had done for them.

What Sgt. Y had said resurfaced in my mind: “Your parents are doing so much for you. Put effort into your training so you can defend them when the time comes. Do them proud!” It was hard not to feel the surging impulse of positivity and duty.

I am not entirely sure what went through my friends’ minds, but it would be hard to believe that their experience was any different.

As we penned replies, it dawned on me how much our loved ones matter to us and that our will to defend our nation is determined by the collective awareness that each of these relationships, not just with our own loved ones, is precious.

I will defend my nation because I love my family; I do not want to let them down. However, I also know that my responsibility does not end there.

As a citizen, I am part of a bigger family called Singapore. I understand how much my fellow Singaporeans cherish their loved ones, and that too strengthens my determination to protect our nation.

We passed our replies to our sergeants, had our lunch and returned to the field with vigour. I slung my rifle over my shoulder and lifted the entrenching tool stick once again.

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A day before my enlistment, I posted the following Facebook status update.

“So from tomorrow onwards, I too would officially shoulder the responsibility of keeping our Singapore secure. It is sinking in slowly. Perhaps I should remember that it is a privilege more than anything.”

In a month's time, I will be completing my National Service obligations. As I look back, I wonder ...

How unqualified is my love of my nation?

Have I done my part in defence of it?

Was it all really worth it?

A little self-delusion can do no harm.