I can already predict that the title of this op-ed has split its readership down the middle. Some of you may have switched off as soon as you read “preferred pronouns” and are mentally preparing an essay-length Facebook comment in which you self-identify as an attack helicopter and express grave concerns about “language policing” and political correctness gone mad. Some of you may worry that this opinion piece will turn into one of the aforementioned Facebook comments and are mentally planning an NYU Abu Dhabi Confessions Facebook page submission about how free speech doesn’t equal hate speech and we global leaders should be better than this.

Some of you may have a life outside the Internet and gotten lost as soon as I mentioned attack helicopters.

But fear not ladies, gentlemen and those who lieth betwixt — I have no problem with calling people by their preferred pronouns and I understand the reasoning behind those requests. Here's a hint: the words “special’ and “snowflake” aren’t involved.

However, I do have some issues with the timing and context of such discussions. To be more specific, I am not a huge fan of professors asking everyone for their pronouns as a get to know you question on the first day of class.

What’s your name? Where are you from? What’s your major? What are your preferred pronouns?

Right off the bat, there is a reason the first three questions have become a staple of many introductions at universities while the last one has not. Casual conversations and friendships do not start with learning which words a person wants you to use to stand in for their name. That is because it doesn’t really tell you anything interesting about the person. Additionally, most people don’t have any use for asking that question because most people look more like one gender than the other, and it’s relatively easy to fix any misunderstandings on that front. Even most transgender people transition with the goal of passing as their true gender, and are usually understanding about any mistaken pronouns.

For these reasons, the pronoun question is never going to catch on outside of academic spaces, so why ask it at all?

Furthermore, the artificiality of the question creates a false sense of acceptance that doesn’t do anything to change people’s attitudes towards the person involved. In my last year of high school, someone in my year came out as transgender. Behind her back, almost everyone insulted her, called her by male pronouns and some people even made a point of misgendering her as a way of getting back at her after petty arguments. But as long as the teachers didn’t know or care enough about it, it was acceptable and according to them, nothing else needed to be done. By making a student advertise the fact that they have a pronoun that may not mesh with their gender presentation, professors run the risk of making pronouns the only thing that otherwise belligerent students need to compromise on, making this well-intentioned introduction little more than a vague gesture of wokeness.

Surely it would be more productive to deal with bullying issues as they arise rather than trying and failing to preemptively stop them?

To give credit where credit is due, some professors may get around this by having people write their introductions on a notecard instead of speaking out loud, but even this approach can cause an issue for one very simple reason: the closet. Asking those still in the closet to clarify their pronouns puts them in an uncomfortable situation. Do they say what they would really like to be called and risk outting themselves to people they may not know well? Do they decline to answer and direct even more unwanted questions their way? Do they say the pronouns of their assigned gender, thereby endorsing people seeing them as the gender they are not? It’s the definition of being caught between a rock and a hard place, and it can create an environment that is the very opposite of queer-friendly and inclusive.

So, what’s to be done about this? My general advice to professors and educators would be to assume the following: if a student is transgender or gender-nonconforming, you will either find out soon enough or not need to know. If they pass in such a way that there is no mistaking them for any other gender, then there is no need to fix what isn’t broken. And even if a transgender student is newly out of the closet or is aware that there may be confusion, many school systems let them indicate a preferred name on their online profile which professors can likely see.

Moreover, most students in this situation would probably think to email or speak to the professor beforehand because they are aware of how uncomfortable this situation can be for both parties. When given the option, I would say to always opt for a more private discussion unless the student wants otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not brandishing a pitchfork and saying that well-meaning professors are secretly transphobic. I’m simply explaining why, from personal experience and from what I’ve heard from queer students in a variety of educational settings, the obligatory pre-lesson pronoun question doesn’t always make those students feel safe and validated. Educators’ actions should speak for themselves. A willingness to talk about gender and representation, to be compassionate beyond the first day of classes is what matters. Surely that openness and love for learning is what creates a truly intimate, fun and safe space for all students.